One Lucky Lady

I've been really struggling with time management lately.  Mostly it comes down to the fact that I need a clone (or two if we're just cranking them out).  Work is nuts, home is nuts, LIFE is nuts!  I say all this not to glorify the busyness, but to give you a little window into my world right now.  I really can't complain.  Life is good and all the things I truly need are always within reach.  It's just been a hectic season and seems like it will get worse before it gets better.

A big concern for me is how I will divide my time between two children.  How do I make them both feel loved, cared for, and important?  We have been so focused on preparing Coop that we haven't prepared ourselves for Cate.  I want her to have all the things he had (crazy, stressed out mommy excluded) when he was tiny.  I don't want her to feel like she got the short end of the stick.  I want her to have the beautiful nursery and clothes washed and hung in the closet and bassinet just waiting for a little swaddled bundle of sweetness.  I don't want the details to be forgotten!

But recently I realized something.  She gets a big brother!  She gets the pleasure of hearing all his crazy antics and bedtime stories and goodnight prayers while she is growing in Momma's tummy.   While I'm sure we will make plenty of mistakes with, probably many of the same ones we made with Coop, maybe we will do a little better the second time around.  Maybe we'll be a little more prepared, a little more realistic in our expectations, and a little more aware of just how quickly time passes.  Maybe we will cherish those 2 am snuggles instead of dreading every sound from the monitor. This time around, I know that I will miss that time together.  Now I know that every once in a while, when I wake up in the middle of the night and can't sleep, I want to sneak into my son's room just to watch him sleep.  I don't; but I want to.  She may not get all the same things her brother got, and maybe that's even better.


Another struggle has been anxiety.  This pregnancy has been a little more dramatic (contractions, low placenta, blah blah blah) than my first.  It took two and half years for me to let go of the near-constant low level of anxiety I felt about potentially having another child.  I struggled to really deal with Cooper's start on the outside and was dreading the thought of going through that again.  But last summer, I was blessed to be a part of a women's bible study.  It was through this quality time spent with godly women that I was able to give up those emotions to God.  That's all they were - emotions.  Because the true fact is that I have a healthy, happy child no matter what the first week of his life looked like.

However, once we found out we were pregnant again, little seeds of doubt starting trying to take root.  It's been a battle to keep them at bay and not let the fear of the unknown overwhelm me.  But God continually send reminders that He is in control.  One of those reminders came yesterday from a random stranger at McDonald's.  We eat lunch there almost every Sunday after church and then Coop plays in the playplace.  I know, not exactly health food, but it's what we do.  Well, I was refilling our drinks before we headed home and a woman approached me.  She asked if I had a moment.  She said, "I believe in divine intervention and I feel very strongly that God wants me to tell you that your baby is going to be okay."  Tears filled my eyes.  Isn't God good?!?!  Even though he tells us in his Word that he cares for us, will provide for us and knows our needs, he knows that we are human and sometimes need tangible reminders.  Thank you, random McDonald's lady, for being that reminder for me.

Maybe this time will be different.  And maybe it won't.  And maybe that's okay.  Because no matter what, Cate is one blessed little girl!

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