Before and After

There are certain times in your life when you know that after this moment, life as you know it is over. Before knowing Christ as my Savior, before meeting my husband.......I can think of so many of these moments. Life after Cooper will never be the same as life before. I will never forget the incredible love I felt for him the first time I saw him. I will never tire of his gorgeous smile.

Life after Cooper became mobile is much different than when he simply rolled over. He is now crawling with ease.  At this point he crawls towards us instead of away from us. He wants us to be on the floor playing with him. And I am happy to oblige. Crawling Cooper is so cute! Although I don't think that will last long. Tonight, he pulled himself up to the couch.  He's been pulling up to things for a couple of weeks now, but pulling up to the couch seems like such a big kid thing.  I have a feeling he will be walking before we know it.

Another life changing moment - On Saturday, Sept 24, my dad had a stroke. As far as strokes go, it was relatively minor. No matter how minor, a stroke is still a stroke. He had some bleeding in his brain in the part that is in charge of verbal communication.  The damage seems to be causing problems with word and name recollection at this point. He can't always say the word that he is thinking. He knows what he says isn't right, but he can't remember the right word. He has some trouble remembering the names of his youngest grandkids. This is hard to see, but hopefully it comes back to him soon.

The stroke also seems to be affecting some aspects of his personality. He just isn't the same joyful, peppy person I've always known. It may take a while for everything to come back to him. Or it may never come back at all.  Only time will tell. According to the doctors we should know within the next 3 months how much of the damage is permanent. I'm just praying that Cooper gets to know his grandpa. I'm just still trying to wrap my mind around the idea that HIS grandpa and MY dad may not ever be the same person.

Life will never be the same after my dad's stroke.  Life will never be the same after the birth of my son. Life will never the same since marrying to most amazing, supportive and loving man I have known. Life.........may never be the same. But we still have life - abundant, sustaining, blessed life.

Torn Between Lovers

I survived my first night away from Cooper. I only cried once. I just love that little guy! Tanner and I had a very nice time on our mini-vaca. Good food, good shopping, good company.....good times!  Quality hubby time got me thinking about when we first got married. My goodness! That seems like ages ago. I guess it's true that time flies when you're having fun.

I was reminded of a conversation I had with my oldest sister just before our wedding. And, no, it didn't involve birds or bees. After she got married, but before I did, Terra told me that being married had taught her so much about God's character. I thought that was interesting, but I didn't really get it until I was married. She was so right! It's hard to being engaged is all about the butterflies. Being married gave me a new perspective on just how amazing God's unfailing love really is. Well, becoming a parent brought about another one of those moments for me. Realizing just how much God loves me.

There is a song by Bethany Dillon that floored me the first time I heard it. She was able to actually express everything I had been feeling. The song begins:

I'm trying to find a moment with you
These days are speeding by
This ring gives me a new point of view
I'm a dealer in my time

If I can make a confession
My time is torn between
The man who won my affection
And the God who made me

It all looks different,
But that doesn't mean anything has changed.

Whoa!!!  This is exactly how I've felt since getting married! The world around me is the same, but I have changed dramatically. How do I find balance between my heavenly father and my earthly husband. Trying to give each relationship the time it deserves can be difficult. And then we had a baby and it hit a whole new level. How do I love each adequately?

The second verse continues:

I look at the life of Anna
Her presence was your home
I look at the life of my mother
Praying on her back porch

I want to be that mother.  I want my child to remember me as a person for whom prayer is a lifestyle. That my relationship with God is the most important thing to me.  I want my love for God to be evident by the priority I give Him with my time.

The chorus brings everything together:

Still I, I reach for You
When I, I am afraid
And this breath that comes from You
Helps me say Your name

This song helped me realize that I can never love God adequately. But if I try to love God with everything I am, that will overflow into my other relationships. Tanner will feel respected and appreciated. Cooper will feel loved and safe. If I keep reaching for Christ not just when I'm afraid, but when I'm tired, or joyful or overwhelmed, He will sustain me. He will help me balance all of the demands on my time and affection. One day I will be required to give an account for how I spent my time on Earth. All I want to hear is, "Well done."