Tonight I got to rock Cate to sleep. Not nurse her to sleep like I've done a million (painful) times. I got to rock with her snuggled in to me, just breathing. It was precious!
She had insisted on having her daddy do bedtime; I happily obliged. You see, Cate and I have never had a sweet, precious nursing relationship. It has, quite literally, been a battle from day one. However, she is also very attached to nursing. At 18 months, she still wants milk before bed every night. I used to love that I could soothe her to sleep. Even though it has always been uncomfortable with Cate, I love that I have been able to nurse both of my babies. But...I. Am. Done. I am done with the pinching, biting, yanking, painful thing that is nursing Cate.
So when she asked for daddy at bedtime, I took off to Cooper's room. I got him in bed and then headed out to the living room. Tanner got Cate in bed after lots of angry objection. It seemed like she was settling in for a moment and then the fussing began. She just could wind down.
So I went into her room and picked her up. She immediately started asking for milk. I'll give you two guesses what her response was. I told her we were not having milk tonight and she just melted down. After a minute of trying to console her, she pointed to her chair and said, "Rock?" I happily agreed to rock, but warned her that there would be no milk. She seemed to be okay with that so we sat.
We sat and snuggled without one of us being chomped on. I felt her body start to go limp as she drifted off to sleep. I heard her breathing slow and become that heavy huffing of rest. And although the to-do list kept trying to creep in, I just rocked. I rocked because she let me. I rocked because she won't let me often. I rocked because she won't be little forever. I rocked...