Come Thou Fount

I don't think I've ever mentioned on the ol' blog that I'm now singing with the worship team at our church. I love being a part of the team, but I must say it's pretty unnerving at times. This week we are doing songs I love. However, just because I LOVE the songs doesn't mean I sing them well or that it's easy to find the right harmony to sing. So I've been listening to the songs over and over to hopefully be more comfortable with them by Sunday morning.

Although our church is fairly contemporary, we do still enjoy traditional hymns. This Sunday, we'll be singing Come Thou Fount.  There are so many great lines from this song that always hit the dead center of my heart.

O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee.Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.

In the past it always been the "prone to wander" line that has tugged at my heart. But tonight after getting Cooper bathed and dressed we were listening to this song. I was holding him and we were swaying while he snuggled. And the last line took my breath away!  I sang it to God on behalf of my child. I was standing there, holding my heart, begging God to seal him. Praying that God would protect his fragile heart and his innocent mind. Asking God to use Cooper in whatever way he sees fit. I want more than anything to raise a man after God's heart. I want Cooper to be a man who will risk being called a fool to hear his heavenly Father say, "Well done."

I guess in order to raise a man like that, I have to be a mom like that. I know I will still wander. I will still feel the pull of this world. God please let me be close enough to you to feel your gentle guidance.  Help me to be a woman willing to be called a fool.


A Not So Fun First

Cooper had a first visit to the ER this week. I was really hoping we would make it a while longer, but there we were.

It was Friday morning, about 2am.  Cooper had been vomiting about every 30 minutes since 8:30 Thursday night. We tried giving Emetrol - didn't really help. We tried giving Pedialyte. He drank it way easier than what I was expecting, but he couldn't keep it down. It was absolutely awful!

The first bout started right after his bath. We had been outside playing most of the evening. He had eaten a normal dinner and drank his whole glass of milk. We came inside for a bath and Tanner went for a run. During his bath, he played a little and then would get very quiet and stay off into space. I just assumed he was really tired. After he was out of the tub, teeth brushed, pajamas on, he started whining. I just told him to use his words and tell me what he needed. Problem was, he didn't know what he needed. He's only ever actually vomited one other time. I picked him up off the changing table, grabs his mini (blue blanket that might as well be permanently attached to his body) and we were headed out to watch some Mater before bedtime. I didn't even make it out of his room before he had thrown up all over me, himself and his precious mini. 

I had no idea what to do! I headed back to the bathroom, threw mini in the sink and put Cooper back in the bathtub. I got his pjs off, but was covered in so much vomit I couldn't really get him cleaned up. So I snatched him out the tub and headed for the master bathroom. The tub in there is ginormous and has a little shower attachment that I could use to hose us both down. I gave us both a good scrub and hoped we were done.

I put new pjs on the kiddo and just wrapped up in my robe. We were snuggling in the chair watching Mater when Tanner got back from running. He immediately showered and sprang into action. Mini and puke-covered clothes in the washer; puke bucket, wet rag and water sippy on the end table next to the chair just in case this wasn't over.

Cooper kept asking for milk. I foolishly gave him some which almost immediately came back up. I stripped off his second pair of pjs since I wasn't quite fast enough with the bucket. After that, no more milk. Lesson learned. We wrapped him in a blanket and waited. We were all hoping that this was over. Unfortunately it wasn't. After a few more vomiting episodes, I called my mom. (I know, I know. I'm a pharmacist. I should know what to do in situation like this. The line between parent and professional get complete blurred when it's your own child who is sick). Mom recommended trying to get some Pedialyte in him so he didn't get dehydrate so off to Walgreen's I went. We told Cooper that the Pedialyte was juice. He doesn't ever get juice at home so I'm sure he thought that was weird. He would drink a popsicle worth of Pedialyte, throw up and ask for more. It was a terribly vicious cycle.

Around midnight I sent Tanner to bed knowing I would be staying home with Cooper and he would be going to work. So Tanner headed to bed and Cooper and I tried to get a little sleep. He would sleep for about 10 minutes, wake up, ask for juice and vomit. We would clean up, snuggle and repeat. He was tired that he was even vomiting in his sleep. Not waking up and then vomitin; actually vomiting while still asleep. This was very messy and concerning. I was afraid he would aspirate and then we would have lots of other issues on our hands.

So I paged his pediatrician about 1:30am and she suggested a trip to the ER. So I woke Tanner and we started getting ready to go. Poor Cooper was still in just a diaper because everytime I put pjs on him he puked all over them. By the time we wrapped him in his freshly laundered mini and threw him in the car, he had been asleep for almost 45 minutes without getting sick. I thought to myself, "maybe we should wait and see if he throws up again and then take him." I should've listened to that little voice. They got us checked in and took us to a triage room. Took his weight and vitals. Doc came in a asked us the same questions the nursed had already asked and then gave him a quick once over. Gave him a Zofran for the nausea and then we waited. He actually started to perk up a little after about an hour. Then he just kept trying to yank the little monitor off his toe.

About 30 minutes after the Zofran, they brought Cooper some apple juice. They said he could have half of it, no more. This just made him mad. He was sssoooo thirsty. After he kept down the first half of the juice for a little while, he got to finish the juice. After a little while longer, they sent us home. We were all home and in bed by 4am. Thankfully, no terribly long wait like you sometimes hear about in the ER. On the other hand, we felt a little bit like we were being blown off. Like we should've known better than to bring him in..........whatever.

I stayed home with Coop on Friday. He seemed to be doing pretty well, although all he would eat our drink was pedialyte. By the time Tanner got home that evening, he was ready to play. All seemed well. Tanner and I were planning to run in a 5k with some friends of mine from work. We left the house, forgot Cooper's jacket so we turned right around. As we were leaving our neighborhood for the second time, Cooper threw up all over himself and his carseat.  Seriously!!!

We turned around and came straight home. Tanner got Coop out of the truck and got him cleaned up. Then they went to the playroom to read books while I did my best to clean the carseat. Can I just say EEEEEEEWWWWW!!!  When I came back in the house to check on my boys, I noticed wetness on the side of Cooper's face and on his shoulder. After closer inspection, I could see that his left ear was draining.  It's amazing how the ER doctor said his ears looked fine and yet barely 24 hours later it was obvious he had an ear infection. Poor kid! Once again, I paged his doctor. She was quick to call in an antibiotic. We started it Saturday evening so as not to give it on an empty stomach. We all went to bed Saturday hoping that the worst was over.

I woke up about 3:30am on Sunday to let the dog out. I knew almost right away that my stomach was not right. I went to get a plastic bag to keep beside the bed just in case. At this point, I apparently passed out. I remeber getting the bag and the next think I remember is opening my eyes and seeing the light fixture in the hall. It took me a few seconds to figure out where I was. But as soon as I did, I remember why I went to get the bag. The next few hours for me were full of all things gross. Thankfully, Tanner was there to get me whatever I needed. He is just so sweet!

Woke up this morning feeling completely exhausted. However, Cooper seemed to be feeling okay. Then I looked at his ear. It was now draining bloody goo. No bueno! We tried to clean and he just kept saying "Owee." Calling the doctor (again) in the morning. Not sure where to go from here. So first time to page doctor - check. First trip to ER - check. Second time to page doctor - check. First time for doctor to want to strangle me - pretty sure that's a CHECK!

Stay tuned for more disgusting stories about my kids!
Today is a tough day for me. It's been 10 years since I lost someone very close. It was one of the guy friends I had grown up with. We lived only a few blocks from each other and went to church together. I spent nearly every New Year's Eve of my childhood at his house. I broke into his backyard to swim in his parents' pool. I still have a shirt with a chocolate ice cream stain that I got while watching Days of Thunder at his house.

He was driving to Weatherford on his way to move into his first apartment when he had a car accident. His car was completely destroyed. The only way they even knew who it was was that one of the first responders found his license plate. It was a firefighter license plate. His dad was a first responder.

Needless to say, Orbie's death hit the town of Hydro really hard. Tanner and I had been married less than a month. My mom called and told me what had happened. Before I had even really had a chance to process any of it, the funeral home called and I asked if I could sing at the service. I said yes only because I didn't what else to say. I struggled over the next few days trying to come up with a song. It had to be something I could get through. It seemed like an absolutely impossible task. I finally decided on I Can Only Imagine. 

This song felt hopeful in such an awful time in my life. Orbie was a Christian and believed that Jesus had died on a cross to save him. Although he was ornery kid at times, in his heart he knew what was right. I knew I would see him again someday but, at the time, I just felt empty.  The day of the funeral came.  I remember sitting our tiny apartment and telling Tanner that I didn't think I could do this. Thankfully, I made it through the song. But it took every ounce of strength I had.  To this very day (I heard this song on the radio on the way home from church) I have days when this song is hard to hear.

I think about Orbie often. Sometimes I still struggle with grief. Like when they repaved the section of interstate where his wreck happened. It had been a few years since his accident. The old pavement was still scarred from the crash. The day I drove over that spot and it had been paved over........I almost had to pull over. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I almost panicked.  I got to my parents' house and fell apart. It felt like they had ripped away a memory without asking my permission. What were they thinking?!?

Orbie loved racing. He was actually a really great race car driver. I think about him a lot lately because of Cooper's all out infatuation with the movie Cars.  But this brings back good memories. These memories make me smile.  I try to hold on tight to the good memories hoping they will chip away at the hurt.

Thank you God for your timing. Even when it means living for years on this earth without someone we love. Please give us the courage to tell the ones we love about what you have done for us so that we can have hope that death is not the end.