The Crazy Corbin Life!

Today is a tough day for me. It's been 10 years since I lost someone very close. It was one of the guy friends I had grown up with. We lived only a few blocks from each other and went to church together. I spent nearly every New Year's Eve of my childhood at his house. I broke into his backyard to swim in his parents' pool. I still have a shirt with a chocolate ice cream stain that I got while watching Days of Thunder at his house.

He was driving to Weatherford on his way to move into his first apartment when he had a car accident. His car was completely destroyed. The only way they even knew who it was was that one of the first responders found his license plate. It was a firefighter license plate. His dad was a first responder.

Needless to say, Orbie's death hit the town of Hydro really hard. Tanner and I had been married less than a month. My mom called and told me what had happened. Before I had even really had a chance to process any of it, the funeral home called and I asked if I could sing at the service. I said yes only because I didn't what else to say. I struggled over the next few days trying to come up with a song. It had to be something I could get through. It seemed like an absolutely impossible task. I finally decided on I Can Only Imagine. 

This song felt hopeful in such an awful time in my life. Orbie was a Christian and believed that Jesus had died on a cross to save him. Although he was ornery kid at times, in his heart he knew what was right. I knew I would see him again someday but, at the time, I just felt empty.  The day of the funeral came.  I remember sitting our tiny apartment and telling Tanner that I didn't think I could do this. Thankfully, I made it through the song. But it took every ounce of strength I had.  To this very day (I heard this song on the radio on the way home from church) I have days when this song is hard to hear.

I think about Orbie often. Sometimes I still struggle with grief. Like when they repaved the section of interstate where his wreck happened. It had been a few years since his accident. The old pavement was still scarred from the crash. The day I drove over that spot and it had been paved over........I almost had to pull over. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I almost panicked.  I got to my parents' house and fell apart. It felt like they had ripped away a memory without asking my permission. What were they thinking?!?

Orbie loved racing. He was actually a really great race car driver. I think about him a lot lately because of Cooper's all out infatuation with the movie Cars.  But this brings back good memories. These memories make me smile.  I try to hold on tight to the good memories hoping they will chip away at the hurt.

Thank you God for your timing. Even when it means living for years on this earth without someone we love. Please give us the courage to tell the ones we love about what you have done for us so that we can have hope that death is not the end.