Room 106

If you had asked me this time yesterday which room we were in at the hospital when Cooper was born, I probably would have said, "Uuuggghh........I have no idea."

Today, I can tell you. Room 106. I know this because it took my breath away as I walked into that same room yesterday. We have a new niece in the family. She was born in room 106. As we headed to the hospital last night to meet Baby Girl, it crossed my mind that it could be the same room. I thought surely it wouldn't be. And even if it big deal. I can handle this.

After all, I had been to the hospital where Coop was in the NICU. I had survived that. I was also holding Cooper's hand as we walked into the room.  I look at him and he is healthy and smart and funny! He is amazing! But for some reason I can't let go of how his little life started. I tried really hard to hold back my emotions, but I had little minute where I let some of my crazy out. Just to Tanner's mom - she could see that I was having a hard time. She just gave me a hug and said, "But just look at him!" And after that, I was emotional for all sorts of other reasons.  One being that I am incredibly blessed with amazing in-laws!

It's so amazing to see a family complete. This will be the final addition to this particular little family. Two precious, perfect girls. Mom and Dad are overjoyed and have a sense and wholeness about their family now. It was sweet to see Big Sis holding Baby Girl. She loves that little one so much already. She also wanted to scare her. Big Sis was saying "BOO!" to everyone in the room. We had to remind her that Baby Girl is still very new and might not like being scared quite yet. Big Sis just didn't want Baby Girl to miss any of the fun.

There is nothing in this world like holding a newborn. The weightlessness of this little bundle that bears so much importance. She is the last piece of the puzzle. She is miraculous. She is absolutely perfect. She is fearfully and wonderfully made.

Maybe I'm not meant to let go of the agony I feel over the way my first child entered the world. Maybe I'm destined to hold on to these feelings forever. Maybe it's meant to serve as a near constant reminder that God is good. He used those days to humble us and to nurture us. I have never been more desperate for God than I was in that week. I pray that I can live in daily desperation.

Psalm 119:50  My comfort in my suffering is this. Your promise preserves my life.

I remember sitting in the cafeteria at the hospital waiting not-so-patiently to take my son home. I read this verse and immediately thanked God and started praying it over Cooper. It was comfort in my suffering. God's promise was preserving my child's life. Not the doctors or the oxygen or all those rotten tubes. God' promise!  Thank you GOD for your unfailing promises!

Room 106 - forever filled with joy.......and a little bit of sorrow.

Double Digits, Baby!!!

Tanner and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary yesterday. I say we was our anniversary. We ended up celebrating by spending the evening with my nephew who broke his arm.  He loves Cooper and seeing him helped raise his cousin's spirits.

After ten years, many things have become very normal. We have our routines, our grumpy days, our silliness. But we are still learning so much about each other everyday. People often say they are getting divorced because their spouse has changed. Well, DUH! We all change. If Tanner was the same person at 30 that he was at 20 I would probably want to thump him in the forehead about 50 times a day. He was an awesome GUY at 20. He is an incredible MAN at 30.  I always heard married people say, "I love you more today than the day I married you."  The day we got married, I would have told you those people were crazy. Today, I totally get it.

So here's to the Tan-Man!

Hey Handsome,

I could never find enough words to tell you how much I love you. You are more than I deserve; more than I ever could have asked for. I am so blessed that God brought us (and keeps us) together.  Everyday, for the last thirty-six-hundred-some-odd days, you have loved me. You have put my needs before your own. You have supported me; tolerated me; cared for me. You have made a little crazy at times. But you have also made me laugh so hard, I'm pretty sure it killed some brain cells.

I will never be able to thank you for how you lead our little family. I feel safe in your guidance, because I know that more than anything else, you want what is best for us. Even if what is best for means momentary struggle or days of tears. I know that you can see that God holds us gently in his mighty hands. Thank you for reminding me that I am not in control and that it's okay.

Thank you for always being on my team. I know this doesn't mean we agree on everything. But I know it means you will always support me.  Thank you for your patience with my indecision. Thank you understanding how much I love being thrifty. (Sidebar - this man was willing to dumpster dive for my 30% off Kohl's coupon. Told you was a keeper. And, yes, there was lots of hand washing that followed.)  Thank you for encouraging me to invest in myself. Thank you for understanding why that is so hard for me, even when I don't fully understand.

The past ten years have been more fun than I think marriage is supposed to be. I know not everyone is lucky enough to have a husband like I have. I have a man worthy of my submission. I have a husband deserving of my love. My child has a father that loves Jesus. Really, what more could I ask for?

I love you,


Stay-cation 2012

Has it really been almost 2 months since I blogged?!? Apparently so. Shame on me.

Tanner and I were both able to manage to get this week off of work together that didn't include labor, NICU or a newborn. This is the first time that has happened since we went to 2009! We seriously needed the break. We debated about going lots of different places: Dallas, Tahoe, Red River. The conversation always boiled down to taking or not taking the kiddo. Since we decided we would miss him terribly, we figured he would come with us. Since traveling with toddler can resemble a teeny-bopper horror movie, we decided to just stay home.

It's been AMAZING! We spent a few days working around the house. We watched lots of Elmo, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (which Cooper calls "Meeska") and movies.  It's been too hot to do much of anything else. If I was anything the like the mother I "pin" to be, we would be doing all sorts of fun, crafty projects. Instead, we are being lazy bums and IT. IS. AWESOME. We have really enjoyed getting to spend more time together. And we've learned a lot about Little Man.

  • He loves the water! We got to swim at Mimi and Papa Corbin's house. At first he was a little clingy, but after a while he started getting brave. After several rounds of bubble blowing and putting his face in the water, I decided it was time to dunk him. He did great! He popped up out of the water, took a few big blinks, and was ready for more. He also loved taking rides on this little motorized propellor contraption. It has buttons you hold down and it will pull you through the water. Papa held the buttons and Coop held on for dear life. So fun!
  • His new favorite food is pizza. Anytime we talk about eating a meal, he asks for pizza. We have really got to work on his diet. However, in our defense, he has also taken a liking to green beans and fresh peaches.
  • He can do some pretty serious "business" in his little frog potty.  We aren't really pushing the whole potty training idea. I've just been taking him after naps and anytime he makes his poop-face. You know the one.......  He's pretty content to sit on the potty as long as we have a book to read. 
  • He can now climb onto the window seat in the playroom all by himself. Just waiting for the day he jumps off.
  • Cooper has mastered drinking from a straw. Doesn't sound like much, but we're pretty jazzed about it. This also means he can more easily mooch my lemonade at Chick-fil-A. Maybe we'll have to start getting him his own.
  • He has his top molars. I have no clue when these made an appearance. I was hanging him upside down and tickling the daylights out him when I saw something in his mouth. I thought, "Oh no! What did he eat?!?" I took a good look and realized it was nothing he put in his mouth. It was 2 GIANT TEETH! Can somebody please make him stop growing up? Thank you.
A pretty uneventful first family vacation. Someday we will go somewhere cool......or maybe just spend another week at our favorite place in the world - HOME!