Love in a New Light

Everyone always talks about how you don't really know how much you can love a person until you have a child. While I won't disagree with this statement, I will say that I've seen love in a new light since having Cooper. Let me go back a few days to help make my point.

While in the hospital, Cooper was poked and pricked more than any tiny person should be. Here is just one foot worth of evidence. His other foot looked about the same.  He had bruises and scabs from IV lines on each hand, not to mention the visible hole in his scalp from another IV stick. I know it probably doesn't look like much, but it left quite an impression on me.

I can't help but associate the wounds of my son with the wounds on the hands and feet of Jesus. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way comparing my child to the Saviour of the world. I'm just saying each hand, each foot, and Cooper's sweet little head was marred.  More than realizing how much I can love another person, I started to realize how much God loves me.  I cannot fathom giving my son up for anyone. Let alone a person who seems to constantly ignore me and take me for granted. But God continues to love me. Even when I am so consumed with my son that I have consistanly failed to spend time with Him.  

I am committed to getting back to my daily quiet time, even if it happens during a 3am feeding.  I want Cooper to grow up knowing how important God's word is. I want him to see Tanner and I giving it the place in our lives that it deserves. I remember seeing my parents reading the bible; my mom's is held together with duct tape.  I want my son to have a good example like I did. And that example starts with me.

All that to say, on Tuesday, Cooper finally shed to last of the marks that served as reminders of how his little life on the outside started.  The spot from the IV on his left hand has finally healed. Now there are no visible signs left that he spent his first week in the NICU. He looks like any other almost-month-old baby, but he is cuter than most!

We love because He first loved us.  1 John 4:19 

The First of Many Firsts

Today was a day full of firsts for the Corbin family. We had our first meal outside the house as a family of three.  I met Tanner at work and we went to Hideway for some delicious pizza. Cooper did great!  He slept in his car seat most of the time.  It was really weird to walk in and tell the hostess we were 2 and a baby. That will definitely take some getting used to.

I also took Cooper to PPOK to meet Tanner's coworkers.  They loved him. He was probably held by more people in the 30 minutes we were there than in his entire 20 days combined.  All the women wanted to take his socks off and see his little baby feet. To each her own....I guess. After that I took him by the pharmacy to meet the folks I work with. They were pretty busy so we didn't stay long. But it was nice to see everyone.

This is kind of random, but I probably ought to update everyone on how Cooper has been doing since we brought him home.  We went to the pediatrician (with Tanner in tow) for the first time Monday, February 28. He weighed 6lbs 7oz (up 2 ounces since leaving the hospital).  I was so nervous that they would need to draw blood to check his bili level. I know this sounds a little over protective, but this kid has been poked a lot.  Dr. Arambula had this fancy little contraption that she touched to his forehead that read his level. I was so excited that they didn't have to stick him again!  He still had a little jaundice so he got to sit by the window and work on his tan.

This Monday was my first time to take Cooper anywhere by myself.  We went back to the doctor.  He had gained 8 ounces (6lbs 15oz if you are keeping track) and his jaundice had resolved. He pulled what Dr. Arambula calls a "little boy trick." He peed all over the exam table. The trick is that he had a diaper on....and the diaper was 100% dry.  He somehow made a puddle all over the table without getting a single drop in his diaper.  I don't know how he did it, but at least we could leave the diaper on him. 

After the doctor we took our first trip to Target. This also led to his first meal in the dressing room. Thank you Target for being so accommodating to this nursing mom! It's nice to not have to pack formula and bottles when we get out.  His meals are always ready to go as long as we are together. However, I refuse to go to the bathroom to feed him. Seriously, would you want to eat your lunch in a bathroom? Didn't think so. It's not like I'm stripping down in the middle of an aisle. I have a very discreet nursing cover for times when there isn't a fitting room available. And I guess if all else fails, we'll just go to the car. It's an adjustment, but we will make it work.

I know we will have so many firsts, most of which will be more significant than pizza. But we are trying to enjoy each of the firsts as they come. I'm sure before we know it we will be experiencing some less enjoyable firsts.  His first time being grounded, his first date - who are we kidding? He can't date...ever!  Maybe even those we will enjoy in some way. Maybe he will learn a valuable lesson or meet the girl of his dreams.  One of these days, we will move on from these little, possibly meaningless, firsts to the real deal. But for now, I'm loving the little firsts.

Today Was Supposed To Be The Day

All day I keep being reminded that today was the day I was supposed to have a baby. I know, I know...babies are rarely born on their due date. I'm just sitting here staring at a 2 week old kiddo and thinking, "Would things have been different if he had stayed put until today?" I tell myself over and over that everything happened just like it was supposed to. Sometimes, I have to try very hard to convince myself that it's the truth.  Maybe this is all just hormones talking.  On second thought, I'm 95% sure it's hormones. But it's still how I feel.

On a more fun note - Cooper is 2 weeks old today! He is such a fun little guy. So far (keeping my fingers crossed and praying to God it continues) he's been a great baby. Eats well, sleeps well, has tons of gas. The gas thing may sound irrelevant, but it leads to lots of tummy bubble grins. Can't wait until those smiles are real.  Cooper met all of his cousins on my side of the family today. There was lots of love and snuggles and hand sanitizer to go around. While Jackson was holding Coop he kept leaning down and whispering to him. When asked what he said, he told us it was a secret. Finally he told us that he said, "Cooper, wake up! It's me, Jackson."  How sweet! Love you Ethan, Abbey, Connor, Jackson and Addison!

We are usually up 2-3 times per night. I nurse him and then if he seems tuckered out but still hungry, Tanner will give him a bottle. Nursing is going well; he just needs to build up enough stamina to fill his little belly. After feeding, we do a quick diaper change and then wrap up our baby burrito. We lay him down in his bed (co-sleeper in our room) and he usually goes right to sleep.  That is part of the upside of the NICU stay.  While in the hospital, he got used to being put down and falling asleep on his own. We are hoping to keep this habit in place.  As hard as it is during the day to not snuggle or rock him to sleep, it sure pays off at 3am.

Tanner went back to work on Tuesday.  Not bringing Cooper home until he was almost a week old sure put a kink in Daddy's plans.  There was no way Tanner was going to be convinced to go to work while Cooper was still in the hospital. But he was a little heartbroken that he didn't get to spend much time at home with us.  He will have some more days off later in the year.  Hopefully they can get in some quality guy time.

I know this is just random babbling. I felt like I needed to put some of my weird feelings on "paper."  I think catharsis is the cure for postpartum mood swings.