Epicly Gross

You know how you have those moments when you think, "Being a mom is just gross!" Last week, I had an entire evening FULL of those moments.

It all started with the dishes. We had gotten lazy about loading the dishwasher so there was a sinkful. after dinner I decided to conquer them and started rinsing and scrubbing. And then......I saw it......the sippy cup. It was about half full of milk. You know when you see the cup laying on it's side, but the milk still appears as if the cup is upright it's not a good sign. I got the sink emptied of other dishes. Then I took a deep breath, stuck my nose in my armpit just in case I HAD to breathe, and twisted off the lid. I turned it over as quickly as possible and starting shaking the cup until.......PLOP! A huge chunk of what I'm sure would be a delicacy in France came sliding out. It was a block of cheese the size of my fist! I flung it down the drain and flipped on the garbage disposal! YUCK!

If this experience taught me nothing else - dump the milk! Hard concept since I spent so long trying to collect and save every last drop of breastmilk. Lesson learned!

Next we moved on to bathtime. Tan-man volunteered on this particular evening. While he had Little Man in the tub I decided to change the diaper genie bag. Note to self - this chore will require a gas mask for the future. I'm usually pretty good about making sure the stinky air doesn't poof up in my face when I'm tying a knot in the bag full of excrement. This day, I forgot and had to try my darndest to not vomit in my son's bedroom floor. GAG!

Where was I.........oh right! Bathtime - the thought of the genie fumes made me a little woozy. So hubs has the kiddo in the tub. He put a little baby shampoo in as the water was running so Coop got to have a bubble bath. He really like bubbles. I really like giving him a beard and a mohawk so he looks like James Harden. I digress.

So they're having all sorts of fun in the bathtub, I'm picking up the house a little, and I hear it. "Oh no!" coming from the bathroom. I rush in to make sure everything is okay. I'm shocked to See Tanner holding Cooper over the sink with little dingleberry and then I look at the tub. Veiled under a layer of bubbles is a GINORMOUS POO! It was one an adult man would be proud of! I don't know how it all fit inside my tiny little boy!

I immediately grab a wipey to grab the dingleberry (if you're not familiar with the term, it's a piece of poo that got left behind after a trip to the potty. Most often used in reference to our cat.). I then a  beeline for my cleaning cabinet to get rubber gloves. In hindsight I totally should have grabbed the kid. Gloves and bleach in hand, I proceed to fish the "treasures" out of the bathtub and plop them into the toilet. I then drain the tub and start with bleach - it's just my luck that every. bath. toy. we. own. was in use at the time. As I'm scrubbing, I discover EXACTLY where Coop was sitting when the crime occurred. Want to know how I knew? Skid mark!  GEE-ROSS!!!!!

Tanner got the Coop-man cleaned up and dressed. I bleached into near asphyxiation. I'm now paranoid of bubble baths. Told you being a mom is gross.

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