Aunt Tiff and Uncle Nate stopped by to see the Cooper-man today. They couldn't believe how much he's grown. Neither can I, and I see him everyday. Tiffany asked me, "So, is motherhood what you expected?" My answer: We're getting there.
This sounds so cliche, but you really can't understand how hard having a baby is until you have one. It strains every relationship in your life - husband, friends, God, yourself. We got so tired of everyone telling us how hard it was going to be. Tanner and I just wanted to say, "shut up and let us enjoy this!" Of course we never did......but we wanted to. And then Cooper got here and we realized that unfortunately it was as hard as everyone said. I kept waiting for the fun stuff and it just wasn't happening. The moment Cooper was born I fell deeply in love with him. But I will be the first to admit, I've had many moments where I didn't like him all that much. Like when he didn't sleep for more than about 45 minutes at a time for an entire week. Mommy wanted to pull her hair out and give her baby to the closest thing with hands. The complete and utter exhaustion was overwhelming.
But then he started eating better, which helped him sleep better. That made everything better. Although people always ask, "Is he sleeping through the night?" The answer to that is sometimes. About once a week we have the perfect conditions where he eats all evening. He gets a bath and then eats again. Then he goes to bed with a nice full tummy and sleeps about 7 hours. AWESOME!!!! But most nights he sleeps from 9 to 2 and is then up at again 4 and 6. FRUSTRATING!!!! Hopefully when we start doing some solid food he will stay full a little longer and sleep for those long stretches on a more regular basis.
"Has he <insert milestone here> yet." These questions leave me with mixed feelings. Yes, he is smiling, but not really laughing much. Yes, he can roll over, but has only done it twice. He holds his head up very well for his age and is very strong. He is just now starting to really play with his toys. It is so much fun to watch. He does so many things, but I still worry that he is behind. I love to show off the things he does well, but the things he struggles with make me a little anxious. I try to remind myself that every baby is different and he will reach those milestones when he is ready.
Many people have been curious about how work has been. They all seem to say, "It must be so hard to leave him at daycare." Well, honestly, I think it's good for him. He has been a happier baby since he started going and I know that I need the adult time that work provides. I know a lot of women feel like the best thing for their family is to stay at home with their children, and I think that is wonderful. But I KNOW that I am a better mom when I am working. It gives me a chance to miss him. I was on call this last week, which meant I got to miss him a little more than usual, but we survived. In a perfect world, I would probably work part time, but hey this world isn't perfect. So we will just keep doing what we're doing until God decides it's time for something else.
The more I get to know my son, the less often I have those times that I don't like him. In fact, I can't remember the last time I wanted to pull my hair out! Although I still get frustrated when he refuses to nap or wakes up for the third time during the night, I still can't believe how lucky I am. Thank you God for putting this amazing little person in my life. My only question is...........What's next?
No comments:
Post a Comment