I've been trying my darndest to get a video done for Cooper first birthday party. I want it to go from his conception (ultrasound pics......we don't have any video of his conception. heeheehee!) through his first year. I love the way it's turning out so far, but I keep getting stuck. The ultrasound and maternity pics are cute; the video of his birth is amazing. After that......I'm struggling. I am still haunted by the week we spent with him attached to all the tubes and wires of the NICU. I keep thinking someday I'll get over it. Someday it won't hurt to look at the pictures from his first week out of my tummy and in my arms. Someday I won't be jealous of the families that got to spend that time together at home instead of in a hospital. Someday I'll accept the fact that this was God's plan for my son and that it has and will continue to work for our good. Someday.....
Reading blogs of parents who have spent way more time in the hospital with their children than we did is a great reminder of just how lucky I am to have Cooper - home and healthy. I've recently started following the blog of a mom who lost her baby after only 67 days. I am inspired and in awe of her incredible faith. She hurts and misses her baby boy terribly, but continues to praise God. You can check out her blog here. Click on The Story of Jude and grab a box of tissues. You will be utterly amazed at the strength of Mandy's faith and the grace God continues to pour out through her words.
I'll keep working through my emotions about Cooper's start in this world. And I'll keep reminding myself that how you start doesn't determine the rest of the race. I'll keep working on the video. Maybe I'll share it when it's done.
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